hope slips

the toxicity of her dreams was never so potent as when it was slipping out of her hands and tumbling onto the concrete

welcome to the bullshit that is my life

and yes

i completely understand that my whining is frustrating

ive just reached the point where i dont give a shit anymore

im living at home next year unless i can get my shit together and go to the school thats two hours away thats amazing and kickass

apparently that isnt really on the table

but i am busting my ass anyway

hate is a word that isnt strong enough to express my unhapy

Anonymous asked: "HOW does Stiles figure out the knotting problem???" idk i feel like everything i come up with is lame, like stiles walking in on derek while he is knotting his hand - derek would hear him, right? oh but maybe this is the first time derek allows himself to knot cos it's embarrassing and he is trying to resist, so yeah maybe he's so into it that he doesn't hear or smell stiles, and he goes a little wild this time and stiles is watching him until he comes. or maybe stiles finds his porn!


…oh goddd.

Maybe there are these TERRIBLE fleshlight-type things for werewolves, but they’re seen as seedy and creepy, not something a good, upstanding young werewolf would ever be caught dead even KNOWING about. It’s like, something you MIGHT have seen in some specialty knotting porn. And not even on a mainstream werewolf porn-site, where scenting and claiming and even biting are represented but not knotting, certainly not self-love knotting. Maybe it comes up randomly on some amateur site and the guy is mounting this THING, this soft-looking toy between his legs and it makes Derek’s own knot just fatten so fast, he ends up whining helplessly and trying to hold it, cup it, take it but it’s too hungry and swollen, he hurts himself trying to knot in his hand. 

So he researches and finds out what that thing is. And he orders it from this site that also sells kinky shit like double-alpha dildos, so you can pretend you’re being topped and knotted by two, fighting alphas in heat or something. Derek blushes in the privacy of his own bedroom, scrolling through the list of extreme toys.

And so Stiles comes over on the day Derek finally gets it, walks in on Derek in beta form, snarling through clenched teeth and viciously power-topping this THING into the floor, the muscles in his hips flexing in sharp relief like he’s some kind of machine, his body all sheeny with sweat. And it’s so violent and frantic, Stiles just freezes like prey and stares, held breath burning in his lungs. 

And then Derek sees him and his face goes from snarl-fuck to anguish  and then he’s letting out this long, wet howl as his hips hunch jaggedly once, twice before he’s knotting the thing. 

A knotting werewolf is so, so vulnerable, just helpless. He’d end up on his side curled and shaking around the thing, one hand covering himself between the legs and the other over his face so Stiles can’t LOOK at him.

And his hips keep nudging instinctively at the THING, his knot stuck fast. And knotting just feels sooooo good, like his body is washed with chills and waves of heat and pleasure at how good it feels but there’s also all this choking shame now, so he can’t enjoy it. The feeling of orgasm and being tied becomes awful and endless under Stiles’ eyes and he wants to die, maybe he will die—

—but then it’s like, a flash of relief when he feels a hand petting his head, touching back his sweaty hair from his face. And Stiles is right there, crouched close, face all full of wonder and worry, watching him. 

He’d moan and jerk against the thing hugging his warm knot and Stiles would make soft, soothing noises, touching him, accepting him.

Derek would go into it, his body arching back in trust and after getting his back rubbed, Derek would let out a low, purring sound when he feels nimble, curious fingers touching lightly between his thighs, running along the ring of the thing on his knot, feeling it, learning it. 

Stiles would sigh and say “Hey, hey big guy, you get what you need? Are you locked up in there?” And Derek would blush and nod, knot tender, pulsing at Stiles’ acknowledgment.

When the swelling goes down, he shoves the thing off him and sprawls on his back, gasping. Cock red and raw on his hairy thigh, exhausted.

He’d drape his arm over his forehead, catch his breath. Look at Stiles sitting there beside him, Stiles’ mouth all soft-looking like he sucked and chewed at his lips nervously, Stiles’ eyes all warm-brown and interested.

He’d reach for him and Stiles would drop against him like he was just waiting for permission and he’d hold Stiles against his chest. Whimper when two of Stiles’ fingers found his sleepy, puffy knot and stroked it speculatively. 


Be someone’s worst nightmare. Never shut up. Never let anyone hurt you. Scream until you are heard and then scream some more. Protect yourself protect each other. Never shut up.

Madi's "Get Better Luiza!" Sterek Fic Rec List

The last few days have been pretty rough, and after she went through a really hard time I decided I would compile a list of specific kinks/tropes for my dear friend Luiza :)

I tried my best to fulfill all of your requests baby girl, hope this lists helps put a smile on your face! :) *kisses…